Thursday, July 24, 2014

Longing Revisited

I have been wrestling with longing.  Longing for things to be different.  Longing to be able to do and be more. Longing that I am not even sure what it is I am longing for.  I think many of us are feeling this way.  Longing for peace, longing for an end to the behavior of those who are supposed to be serving us in government, longing for belief in something larger than ourselves, and a longing for a sense of security.

As I was re-reading my previous post on Longing, I realize I am still looking for that sense of embodied spirit.  It does take courage to face longing because it threatens to overwhelm, to consume.  It can bring you to a dead stop with the sheer enormity of the feeling. I long to surrender and trust in Spirit, trust in the words of Julian Norwich that "all will be well, all manner of thing will be well."  Surrender requires courage, it requires we let go of the illusion that we are in control. It requires the courage to surrender, to trust that all will be well even when your ego is screaming no. I struggle to find that courage.  I struggle to trust because I want to be in control, I want to know I can fix it, that I can make it better.  The truth is I don't know that I can and even an deeper truth is that most things I can't fix or even make better.  Yet I always struggle to let go and trust because I am not sure what it would mean to do that.  So I live with the longing, I struggle with it, some days I fight with it, and some days it just seems to take over.  Some days the longing spurs me to do better and other days it is overwhelming.  On the days it is overwhelming I am forced to trust that it will be well, that tomorrow is another day. As long as I am alive I get another day to wrestle and another day to learn to surrender. Another day to figure out what I can change and to accept what I cannot. Another day to surrender to Spirit and to trust that all will be well.

What are you longing for in your life?  What is calling to you?  What gives you the courage to face the longing?  What can you change and what must your learn to accept?